


Carry Him

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [35]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, meta fiction, season nine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 00:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of Meta Fiction, Cas and Sam meet for a little recuperation and healing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone--
> 
> This is another old fic I'm moving from Tumblr.
> 
> Warnings: Set post Meta Fiction (9x18), Cas and Sam have a somewhat secret but established relationship, it's pretty angsty and reflecting on canon events of that season.

           Sam got a phone call summoning him to this particular motel. He nervously knocks at the door—it’s been a long time since they’ve been like this, is it really going to happen tonight?—and is relieved when it opens almost immediately.

            Cas pulls him inside and shuts the door behind him. Then his hands are all over Sam, and Sam can’t help but smile. As long as it’s been, Cas is still gentle.

            “You’re okay?” he asks roughly, hands tracing Sam’s back.

            Sam blinks. “’M fine. You okay?”

            “Fine,” Cas says, clearly ready to be done with that. “I’ve missed you, Sam.”

            “You too, Cas,” Sam says.

            Cas tilts his head up and Sam gets the hint, leans down for a kiss. Cas’ arms end up around Sam’s neck, pulling him closer, as if Cas can’t bare that last inch between them.

            “Cas…” Sam says, breaking the kiss but not moving away. “I gotta get back, Dean needs me. He can’t…he can’t handle the workload on his own.”

            “And you cannot handle it on your own indefinitely,” Cas chastises softly. “Stay a few hours. Relax. Then you can go save the world.”

            They end up on the bed, Sam’s head against Cas’ chest as Cas reclines against the headboard. Cas’ fingers stroke through Sam’s hair and Sam begins to relax for the first time in quite a while. Cas’ free hand is interlaced with Sam’s, resting on Sam’s stomach.

            “You met Gadreel,” Cas eventually hesitantly says. It’s not a question, and Sam doesn’t have to answer. But Cas will listen if he does.

            “Yeah, I…” Sam laughs a bit, a broken sound. “Not for long. Guess I was too close to it. Dean made me leave. Sent me to you, so that was okay, but…I mean, I punched the guy, and Dean sent me away so he could punch the shit out of him. Not sure why I had to go but not him.”

            Cas’ fingers tighten around Sam’s. “You punched him?” he asks. He sounds like he’s trying to keep calm and not quite succeeding. “What did he say to you?”

            Sam is quiet. “Maybe I just wanted to hit him,” he eventually says quietly.

            “Maybe,” Cas agrees. “And I would not blame you for that. But I don’t think that’s it.”

            “He…he told me my insides reek of shame and weakness,” Sam confesses quietly. “And I…I was tense. I shouldn’t have…but I did.”

            Cas bends his neck to press his lips to the crown of Sam’s head. “ No,” he says after a moment. “You are not weak, and I wish you weren’t ashamed. You don’t need to be. Not of yourself, Sam Winchester, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. And you should punch anyone who tells you otherwise.”

            Sam gives a strangled laugh and Cas kisses his hair again. “Beautiful Sam,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry for all that’s been done to you. I’m sorry for everything that’s made you feel that about yourself. But you are strong, and brave, and smart, and have done so much good.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m sorry…if it weren’t for me, you could have killed him. I’m sorry you lost that.”

            “Dean would have killed him,” Sam corrects immediately. “Not me.”

            “Do you want to kill him?” Cas asks gently.

            “I…don’t know,” Sam admits. “I’m just…angry. And hurt. And I’m trying not to…to spin out of control, because god knows,  _someone_  needs to be stable right now, and I don’t know what I want.”

            “Okay,” Cas soothes. “Okay.”

            “For the record,” Cas says a moment later, “I will help you carry that burden. You do not have to bear it all yourself.”

            “Cas,” Sam says gently, rubbing his thumb over Cas’ hand, “you have an army to lead. That’s what you’ve decided. That’s what needs doing. We’re going to get Abaddon, you’re going to see what you can do with heaven. You can’t carry any more.”

            “I can carry anything you need me to,” Cas insists stubbornly. “Up to and including you, when you pass out from exhaustion. When was the last time you slept, Sam?”

            Sam shrugs.

            “A few more hours will hurt nothing,” Cas says, preempting the argument before Sam can even formulate it. “And they will help in the long run. You need to be at the top of your game, Sam, and you need sleep to do that.”

            They end up under the blankets, Sam’s head on Cas’ chest and Cas’ fingers once more in Sam’s hair, stroking soothingly until Sam relaxes completely and falls asleep.

            He wakes up alone. He knew he would but he can’t help the rush of desperate loneliness. There’s a note on the pillow that he grabs.

             _Stay safe. I love you._


End file.
